October 26th, 2009
TAPE CRITIQUE
Here’s a news demo from an aspiring journalist in Atlanta named Jerry Askin. He’s looking for feedback, so if you’re a professional in the news business, leave a comment with some helpful advice.
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Jerry you seem natural on camera. I liked your walk and talk stand ups, and you have a smooth yet authoritative delivery. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Work on your articulation and pronunciation.
2. Start your packages by writing to your most visual images and try to paint a picture with your words.
3. Keep your vo short and let the interviewee tell the story in their words using the most compelling sound.
He does OK, but needs to work on his dialect.
1 – First, I would highly recommend a voice coach. You swallow most of your words. This is a critical area you need to work on.
2. Relax your writing. If you were calling your mom what would you say as you described what happened. The woman “didn’t report to police about the robbery,” she told them. also you talk about the garage collapse and you say it “collapsed ON yesterday afteernoon.” ON?
3. Shocked it could happen in their upscale community? This reminds me of a great poynter session I did for our staff once. Crime only happens in bad communities? When crime happens in a lower income commuinty residents aren’t shocked? It’s ok in some communities, but not others?
4. You have video of the mayor at the deck collapse. You could use a line to explain why she is there.
5. As Mackie Morris would say: write to your video. Occassionally touch he video with your copy.